Saturday, April 21, 2018

Brian’s Cross

As promised, the story behind one of my pieces...The reason for Brian's Cross, The most emotional piece of artwork I have ever created.
Around the time I was recovering from a rough time in my life I was focusing on taking care of my brother. He’s only about 2 years younger than me but my mom had just moved out. Our parents, just about always, both worked so my brother & I were always fairly   I needed to not focus on me. So he & his core group of friends (“the boys”) became the focus, became the start of the misfit family. They spent more time at our house than anywhere else, I cooked for them, provided a non-judgemental ear, girl advice... If there was something I could do I did it. Over the next few years we grew so close that we’d become a family, a crazy, fun, comfortable, family. We had some ups & downs, but through it all we had each other and that's all that mattered.  
Suddenly that all fell apart. There was a car accident. One of the boys lost control of his car & he was gone. At this point, I had a son, a fiancĂ©, and was 8 months pregnant with my daughter. I got the news at work, left early, and was in shock for that first day. The next day I once again, needed to focus on something, anything, outside of the pain. I started drawing, I decided on a Celtic cross. Brian had always wanted a tattoo of a Celtic cross & it was detailed enough to require all of my attention. Over the next few days I wouldn’t do anything, my fiancĂ© took over everything for himself & our son while I barely even spoke. Everytime I opened my mouth tears would fill my eyes & I’d lose my voice, & struggle to catch my breath. Now you have to understand, before this, my life was not without heartbreak, this wasn't the first death I'd experienced, or the first time I'd allowed someone to become such an important part of my life only to lose them. But there was something so deep to this pain, this complete shattering of my heart, it felt unreal. My brain couldn't comprehend that he was gone. So I drew, in great detail, a Celtic Cross.
     When I finished the cross I noticed, I wasn’t depressed anymore. I was sad, of course, but little by little, I was able to function like a normal human being again. It seemed, I let all my emotions those first few days out onto the paper. I'd heard of art therapy, plenty, but I never understood how it actually helped, until it did.
     It’s been 5 years now & I decided I could do better. For Brian. Now, without that sadness, I could make this something beautiful, something of healing and recovery, that someone, other than myself, would be proud to hang in their home. And so begins, the re-working of Brian’s Cross.
-Chelsea 

Original